Impossibly Bitchy

What is porn?

2006-05-07T16:04:00.000+08:00

Porn is sex documented.

It ain't easy being a dick

2005-12-10T16:30:00.000+08:00

I'm highly stressed by work and hard pressed for time so nothing will be written this week. Instead, I leave you with something I am sure will make you laugh out loud.

So boys, stop beating that little fella who lives down south. Show some tender love!

All hung up

2005-12-04T22:00:00.000+08:00

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein

Human stupidity can get so ridiculous that I don't know whether to find it incredibly funny or sad.

The recent hanging of Australian drug trafficker Nguyen brought the little red dot to international spotlight again. As usual, all the brouhaha about death penalty and/or capital punishment came up. Typical, and not unexpected. Many blogs, commentaries and newspapers have covered this topic to death already. I'm not surprised if this brouhaha repeats itself when the verdict for the Filippina who murdered her fellow Filippina friend, left her head in Orchard Road in a bag, and body in MacRitchie, is read out. I ain't gonna waste time running moral and human rights debates on capital punishment and death penalty and who's right or wrong. We would be missing the point of this article if we went into that.

Let's get to the point. How does the hanging of Nguyen link up to human stupidity?

Click on image to enlarge
This protest bags the prize.

Most of us have no idea what Putfile is until this protest. At best, nice publicity stunt. PutFile Ltd., which owns Putfile.com, is based in the United Kingdom. UK has its own dark barbaric history too, and we don't need to delve into that. Don't point your fingers at others before looking at how blood stained it is. Let he who is sinless cast the first stone.

Back on topic.

File storage sites are as ubiquitous as chicken rice stalls here. No chicken rice from stall A? Get it from stall B. Putfile isn't the only online file storage and sharing site on the Internet. Heavy web users would either have their own servers or paid for something more credible, normal internet users would just have to register with other sites. Lives don't go awry just because one can't find a plate of chicken rice from one stall or loses a membership on a file uploading site and are banned by IP. There's always another stall/provider somewhere.

Unless Putfile is a monopoly, then, it is another story. But darling, you are in a monopolistic competition. Monopolistic competition and monopoly are two completely different economic market models. Monopolistic competition is a market structure in which several or many sellers each produce similar, but slightly differentiated products. Each producer can set its price and quantity without affecting the marketplace as a whole. You have tons of competitors out there providing the same good, only differentiated by perceived differences. A random search on google will give you tons of file storage and sharing sites. Putfile is not a monopoly in the market. With or without Putfile, internet file storage and sharing services still go on.

I have my reservations about the death penalty, but in Rome, do what the Romans do and follow the Roman rules. You break the Roman law on Roman soils, you face the Roman consequences. The point here isn't about the rights and wrongs and morals of the death penalty, but the extent of human lameness and human stupidity shown in this protest.

Do you honestly think by doing this it will cause a government to change its laws? Just so the residents can regain access and membership to your site? The equation doesn't work out. Banning users whose IP addresses are Singapore based won't disrupt their lives and definitely won't make a government change its laws. Do not put the rest of us humans who are thankfully slightly more intelligent to shame in front of the aliens. Losing a membership on a site won't make them run a protest against a government, genious.

Mike_12 sums it best: "[sic] what good does it do to ban all Singapore residents? Do you really think the government is going to give a rats (you know) about its citizens not being able to use a membership to a website? Why punish those for their government's work? I highly doubt the few who are members from Singapore will all take a stand against the government because of not being able to use putfile. On your logic why not ban people from all the nations with poor human rights, barbaric prisons and punishment, or nations whose elite's will and power greed comes before its [sic] people. Do you really think Singapore is the only nation that does this?"

I need a medium to contact Einstein. Putfile has proven you right, Mr Einstein. Human stupidity is infinite. I don't know if that will make you rest in peace or make you jump out of your grave at the extent of human stupidity. In the mean time, somebody emancipate me from human stupidity, please.

Kissed by a necrophiliac

2005-11-27T17:32:00.000+08:00

I'm not in the mood to write social commentaries this week. Here's a little something random, quite pointless, rather twisted yet funny observation I made when I re-read fairytales for a project years ago.

I'm sure many of us are familiar with Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, whether it is the original version or the Disney version. It's a tale of the once upon a time, baddy, damsel in distress, prince on a white horse comes rescuing, good triumphs over evil, they marry and live happily ever after. Very typical fairy tale materials we grew up with and tell kids every night.

But has anyone noticed something? Prince charming is a necrophiliac! [A necrophiliac is a person who is sexually attracted to or has sex with dead bodies.]

Read this excerpt of the original tale of Snow White, paying attention to the lines that are in bold:

When the little dwarfs came home at night they found Snow-White lying upon the ground. No breath came from her parted lips, for she was dead. They lifted her tenderly and sought for some poisonous object which might have caused the mischief, unlaced her frock, combed her hair, and washed her with wine and water, but all in vain - dead she was and dead she remained.
.
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"We cannot hide her away in the dark earth," said the dwarfs, and so they made a transparent coffin of shining glass, and laid her in it, and wrote her name upon it in letters of gold; also they wrote that she was a King's daughter.
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For a long, long time little Snow-White lay in the coffin, but her form did not wither; she only looked as though she slept, for she was still as white as snow, as red as blood, and as black as ebony.

It chanced that a prince came into the wood, and went to the dwarfs' house, meaning to spend the night there. He saw the coffin upon the mountain-top, with little Snow-White lying within it, and he read the words that were written upon it in letters of gold.

And he said to the dwarfs, "If you will but let me have the coffin, you may ask of me what you will, and I will give it to you."

But the dwarfs answered, "We would not sell it for all the gold in the world."

Then said the Prince, "Let me have it as a gift, I pray you, for I cannot live without seeing little Snow-White, and I will prize your gift as the dearest of my possessions."

The story of snow white is very romantic, isn't it? You die and some random prince comes along, falls in love with your drop dead gorgeous dead body [necrophilia alert!], begs to keep your corpse as his dearest possessions because his love for your physical body is so great that he doesn't mind that you are dead [necrophilia alert!]. And in the Disney version, it is even more romantic because this random prince that met your dead body for the first time actually kisses your dead cold corspe [necrophilia alert!] because he is too captivated by your, literally, drop dead gorgeous body [necrophilia alert!].

Now, superimpose this romantic fairy tale to everyday life.

Drop dead gorgeous ah lian drops dead and is lying in a coffin under a block of HDB flats. Relatives and friends are mourning. A random ah beng walks past the coffin, falls in love with the drop dead gorgeous corspe and tells ah lian's parents, "Uncle, Auntie, can gimme or not? I die die must have your chiobu daughter or else I die. I sompa I will treat ah lian as my number one." [c.ref Let me have it as a gift, I pray you, for I cannot live without seeing little Snow White, and I will prize your gift as the dearest of my possessions.]

The End.

--

If you have read gothic literature or like gothic stuff, you may be familiar or have come across gothic authors gothicizing fairytales that we know. My top favorite's Tanith Lee's Red as Blood, the gothic version of Snow White where Snow White is a vampire. Very very twisted, lotsa blood, darkness and hints of blesphemy of Christianity/Catholicism. Others include, Cinderella becomes Ashella, the daughter of a witch, her stepmother and stepsisters loving, the prince, driven mad with love, the target of her mother's vengeance. Rapunsel is raised to let down her golden hair to bring a demon up from hell. In Little Red Ridinghood, grandmother is not swallowed by the wolf but becomes one, a werewolf, as a pendulant granddaughter finds herself crossly following in grandma's footsteps.

Welcome to the real twisted world of fairy tales.

A celebrity called Teacher

2005-11-19T21:26:00.000+08:00

Celebrity: noun [C] someone who is famous, especially in the entertainment business*

Teacher: noun [C] someone whose job is to teach in a school or college*

"Teachers are celebrities." - Anonymous

Teachers in Singapore are a very special breed. The moment they graduate NIE, they are awarded celebrity status and are deemed potentially news worthy. Teachers are celebrities. They are always under the microscope, under scrutiny of principals, HODs, parents, students and any ~~kaypoh~~ concerned member of the public out there.

There are student blogs speculating a teacher's sex life, commenting a teacher "must have fucked too much that's why she's pregnant", labelling some teachers as "frustrated old spinster", "biased bitch" etc. I haven't seen any other occupation in Singapore having so much talk or flame in student blogs. Teachers share the same celebrity status as typical mediacorp/taiwan/hollywood artistes and maybe a few 'celeb' bloggers who either get praised or flamed throughout blogsphere.

I am sure many remember the Everitt Road/Joo Chiat neighbours. News worthy as that crazy family might be, it became jucier when reporters dug out information that one of the antagoniser is a teacher. Pages after pages were splashed on every possible paper on her job as a teacher and her PhD qualification. If she was a sales girl, would her job be worth so much print space?

Society is all ready to pounce on the slightest mistake that this celebrity makes. Wait, in fact, it doesn't even have to be a 'mistake'. As long as it is deemed 'unacceptable' (by whose standard?), this celebrity called teacher gets the brunt for 'displaying unacceptable behavior'. Singapore is a society where its citizens' mantra is about upholding high morals and values. Pointing fingers and yapping about morals is a national pastime second to eating. Unconvinced? Let's look.

Early this year in March, there were back and forth exchanges in the ST forum between concerned members of the public, teachers and MOE on the issue of dedicated teachers quitting the system. Lengthy letters were published. Teachers became front page news (again). Concerned members of the public were outraged (err, what the fuck for?) at dedicated teachers quitting the system. One concerned member of the public was so outraged and enraged, she wrote, the most wonderful sentence to show the epitome of human stupidity, "If students are not allowed to quit the system, why should teachers be allowed?".

Students can quit the system if they want. Otherwise, where do drop outs come from, genious? But everyone knows that if you quit the system, you essentially end your life there and then because of the way society works here. You need paper to climb. (Funny, then what's a ladder for?) Unless you are rich enough to go overseas or be business smart enough like Bill Gates to start a business empire, it's almost the end for a student who quits the system. It is embarrassing that concerned members of the public don't check their facts before writing such bold statements to the national papers. It is even more embarrassing that a concerned member of the public like this genious can get her facts wrong while trying to run other people's lives. It's gonna be system failure if this genious really did. Besides, teaching is a job and quitting a job is another person's decision and not yours, ~~kaypoh~~ genious. Would you have kicked a big fuss and written to the papers if a doctor quits medical practice?

More recently, a blogger Joey rose to front page celebrity status. I was forwarded this TNP article, published on Sunday 13 Nov 2005, about a Joey who blogs about her sexual fantasies, her sexual orientation and personal life. There are countless Joeys out there that blog about anything from food to tea cups to sex. There are also countless sex blogs of any nature which are way more erotic written by Tom, Dick, Harry, Mary, Jane and [insert whatever name] on every blog engine available on the internet. Strangely, these blogs never made it to front page news. What makes this blogger Joey so special and news worthy that she hits the front page of TNP?

Bingo. You guessed it. Simply because she is a teacher. Joey is Singapore's OFFLINE TEACHER, ONLINE SEX TEASE according to TNP.

Aside: Bloggers out there, if you are holding a job other than the celebrity status ones mentioned earlier, live on the little red dot and you are gay, talked about sex or dirty talked on your blog and hope it would make it to front page news, dude, I'm sorry, you won't. It is the reality. Face it.

I highly doubt Joey's blog would be a big deal if she was a salesgirl, lawyer, hawker, banker, model etc. Concerned members of the public and journalists are making this a big deal because blogger Joey is a teacher. If you are single and your occupation is teaching, you are not allowed to think about sex, talk about sex and have sex even in your private life. It is wrong (by whose standard?). If you are a homosexual, you have your morals and values all in the wrong place because the majority of human beings are heterosexuals. Majority wins and hence majority shall be considered the norm and hence has the right to judge. I doubt I am the only one who finds this ludicrous. As long as the teacher doesn't bring all these into the classrooms, do we have a problem here?

My apologies, I forgot. Teachers are celebrities. They are scrutinized on both public (in school) and private life. I suspect many teachers have resigned to this by saying 'it comes with the job'. It's a such a pity that some teachers give up rights to their private life because many concerned members and stakeholders deem that they are not entitled to because they are teachers. Concerned members of this society, pause and rethink before pointing fingers and preaching morals to teachers about what they should or should not do in their private lives.

I wonder, if the concerned members of the public find out that there are teachers that might be suspects for leading gay and lesbian lifestyles, there are teachers who might be suspects for having pre-marital sex, there are teachers who might be suspected for frequenting clubs, drink, smoke, etc would they start a holy bloody massacre in the name of ridding the nation of 'immoral' people. Perhaps half the teaching population will be shot on the basis of 'immorality' (by whose standard?) or maybe more? I have no idea. But what about people from other occupations who talk about sex, have sex, fantasize about sex, club, drink or smoke? Don't they deserve to be shot too?

My question is, why is this particular occupation singled out? Also, by singling this occupation, these concerned members of the public with supposed intact morals and values seem to be sending the signal that you cannot talk about 'taboo' topics in your blog if you are a teacher. If that is the case, double standards is the way to go. And if this is the case, it can be concluded that teachers are discriminated.

The ability to teach and inspire does not stem from the teacher's sexual orientation, how little/much you talk about sex or have sex or drink or smoke in his or her private life. The ability to teach is a gift, a talent and a flair that has no correlation to sex, smoke and booze. There are gay and lesbian bakers, doctors, engineers, lawyers, consultants, you name the occupation, the world has it, everywhere. Hence, to single out teachers on this issue of sexual orientation or simply, talking about sex publicly on a blog, which is essentially and clearly outside the perimeters of her work, is discrimination and double standards at work.

All in all, while I cannot flush educated (or not) kaypohs who try to run everyone's lives down the toilet, let's hope, whether in vain or not, that teachers may be left alone to do their jazz in education, just like people in all other jobs. As long as they can produce straight As students in O's and A's, what they are in their private lives, who they fuck around with, how many bottles of booze they drink or how many sticks they smoke in their private lives, really, does it matter, as long as they don't bring it to the classrooms? In this system where everyone is on a rat race to see who can achieve the most As, which school gets value added award(s), sustained achievements award(s), you-name-it-they-have-it award, or anything that's worth splashing on huge banners to be hung around the school compound (most importantly, facing the road), as long as teachers can produce the grades for the kids to climb to the next level and to get whatever awards the school wants, does it really matter what they do in their private lives? Does it matter if he or she is a homosexual, or likes to bar top dance, smoke, drink, club or have sex with whom in private? None of us are saints, so none should try to turn others into one, based on imperfect standards.

To close this, I suggest that in SEXPO Singapore 2005, the organizers should place a big sign at the entrance that says "TEACHERS NOT ALLOWED". You see, if teachers are not allowed to blog about sex, how can they be allowed to go to SEXPO and walk around the Novelty booths that sell adult novelties, accessories, toys and games to help enhance intimacy? It is better to be safe than sorry. We don't need another celebrity called Teacher. Otherwise, hell is gonna break loose and we'll have another teacher whipped on the front page with a headline that says something along the lines of "Erotic teacher buys whips at SEXPO".

*Referenced from Cambridge Advanced Learners Dictionary

Storm in a [plastic] teacup

2005-11-13T22:20:00.000+08:00

I've been rather bored lately that I've actually relegated to become a typical 联合晚报/新民日报/TNP ah soh/ah chek (albeit tech savvy cos this storm in a teacup is on the internet) following the terribly exciting events of a certain local blogger who supposedly:

A) went under the knife
B) is vehemently denying it
C) dissing others who had gone under the knife; and
D) claiming to have thai and dutch blood heritage

First off, I'm not against plastic surgery. I don't see a problem if you have the money, found a good surgeon and go for it to enhance yourself and/or to correct any (perceived) imperfection(s). It's really fine by me. I'm a plastic surgery supporter. This is a superficial world. Physical appearance counts first. We want more beautiful, aesthetically pleasing people in this world to look at, who the fuck cares if it's natural or engineered. The man or woman you see on the street may have gone for thermage to do a face lift or to lighten her scars. The baby with that less than normal looking lip may have gone through lip reconstruction to correct his/her cleft lip. The woman next to you may actually be a man before. The star on TV may have breast augmentation or botox shots. Plastic surgery is so common and an open secret of celebrities, so why are people on this little red dot going hysterical over it and creating a storm in a teacup?

Before you jump to conclusion and assume that I'm on the blogger's side or on the anti-that-blogger's side just based on the above paragraph, just press on and finish reading this blog first before making up your mind.

There's nothing wrong to want to be beautiful, is there? To those who go "eww plastic! eww fake!", ask yourself, do you put make up? Did you have braces? Did you cut a certain hairstyle that will suit you? Do you choose what clothes to wear so that you don't look like a walking disaster? If you have done any of the above, you have neither the right to judge nor condemn others who want to look good. The 'difference' is that these people who have gone through plastic surgery have taken a much bigger step and risk.

Everyone wants to and has the rights to look beautiful. Every single plastic surgery procedure carries with it risks and are a life time commitment. Let me illustrate this point. You can divorce anytime if your marriage fucks up. But you can't divorce your implants if they fuck up. Plastic surgery (especially the invasive ones) is like having tattoos, it's a life-fucking-time commitment. Bad haircut, let it grow out; awful makeup, wipe it off. On the other hand, there is no quick backspace button if plastic surgery fucks up. You will need to go through the procedure again to fix it, and in those unfortunate cases, they might need a few surgeries to correct it.

Just a quick search on the internet on plastic surgery procedures gives you an idea on the risks involved. Indeed, it takes a lot of bravery for an individual to go it. We will not know why a person chooses to go for a certain procedure because it is something personal and no one will be able to fully understand the person's rationale. As such, I take my hat off those who have gone through plastic surgery, especially the 'sisters' (transvestites). Majority of society here go "chao ah gua!" when they see one. More often than not, the sisters are like a living laughing spectacle to the world. It is an irony that Singapore is a first world economy but the mentality of the society is stuck in the ruts and even regressing faster than making a cup of tea. Before you laugh or condemn the sisters, do you think you have the courage to go under the knife like they did?

My apologies, I digressed. I'll write more about the sisters next time. Now back to this storm in a [plastic] teacup.

For an individual to deny vehemently that he/she has gone through plastic surgery is really his/her choice. I don't see why we have to keep digging deeper. The plastic surgeon will never reveal because it is work ethics. All patient files are strictly private and confidential. Which is why the star plastic surgeon in Singapore, Dr Martin Huang, said in an interview that he would not greet his patients in parties that both happen to attend because most patients want to keep quiet about their surgery.

Though, we have to admit that everyone has eyes out there to see if the change is drastic. However, do these people need to answer to society at large for something so personal? If it has served the person's goals and purpose, great. We have one more beautiful person to look at. Not everyone out there is so lucky to have successful surgeries. Look at the classic eptiome of everything that can go wrong with plastic surgery: MJ.

Therefore, what's the big deal about denial?

It is okay to do A and B. In this blogger's case, IF A is true, then doing C and D would make this blogger a plastic hypocrite. You don't go around condemning others who have also gone under the knife like you did. Saying things like 'why can't people be more confident with their looks' makes her a hypocrite. Would I be right then, to say that perhaps it's a case of becoming delusional after too many procedures that you believe you are born with it? If the blogger actually weaved up D, would I be right to say that this blogger has gone delusional? I would lose every ounce of respect on the blogger's bravery to have gone under the knife to seek perfection if she actually did C and D. I reiterate that I support plastic surgery. However, I do not support hypocrites, especially plastic hypocrites. To go for it, believe you are born with it and then condemn others who have gone for it is downright revolting, an eptiome of hypocrisy. Is this mere delusion or hypocrisy at work? I am sure no one who has gone through plastic surgery would respect that blogger at all because she has turned on her own.

If she hasn't gone for any nip tuck, then it is just a typical case of i-am-100%-real-and-therefore-i-have-the-right-to-condemn-the-fakes bitchiness.

Yet, let's pause for a while and think logically, if you have the time to do so, perhaps like when you're waiting for your nail polish to dry. For a person to naturally blossom/grow up from total chinese looking to total caucasian/eurasian looking is a little stretched, no pun intended. Blogger kimberlycun calls her an 'ethereal beauty', which is indeed flattering and the right adjective to use. Ethereal according to cambridge dictionary is light and delicate, especially in an unnatural way. Natural or engineered, the 'ethereal beauty' that this blogger is now does send a little shiver down many spines.

Whether she is natural or engineered, it doesn't really bother me. This world is full of weird stuff and unfair miracles. Hence, the vain bitch that I am will not give up hope that when I wake up tomorrow, a miracle will happen that I will look like Tifa Lockhart - the bridge of my nose will be a sharper looking one, my eyes more manga like, my skin flawless and my breasts bigger. That would be perfect. Alternatively, I will have to strike ToTo/4D or suddenly find out I'm actually a blood relative of Ong Beng Seng! With the new found money, I can go under the knife to look like Tifa. I would have to admit that I have gone under the knife because I cannot pull the wool over the eyes of anyone who knows me, well, unless I claw their eyeballs out, burn every single yearbook and photo I can possibly find and tear down all internet connections so no one can bitch about me and my new found face and body.

All in all, my stand is that I support plastic surgery, it's alright to deny but it's revolting to be a plastic hypocrite because it's distasteful and hypocritical.

Anyway, this storm in a [plastic] teacup has the lifespan of any other typical 联合晚报/新民日报/TNP type news. It's not making me sweat, not making me angry, not making me want to uncover the truth. It's so damn entertaining. A current entertaining piece of shit to yap about when you run out of topics over tea in this bloody boring pore.

To end off, I think I need to stop being a delusional woman dreaming of looking like Tifa Lockheart. I should pay more attention to my I-want-to-look-like-Tifa-Lockhart-fund. In the mean time, I should sharpen my claws give them a fresh coat of polish and get myself a new cup of tea.